Chapter 4 - Anger

 

Where there is anger, there will always be pain underneath - Echart Tolle

Your mind is like this water, my friend. When it is agitated, it becomes difficult to see. But if you allow it to settle, the answer becomes clear - Oogway

Anger kills joy. It is wisely said that you only harm one person when you are angry, and that is you. Why do we get angry?

When someone says something that hurts our feelings and makes us feel we are no longer in control of the situation.

When your desires are not fulfilled, when self-esteem is harmed.

Anger comes by itself. It is a natural response, an expression of the pain that you are suffering from. Sometimes the word comes in tears when you think you can’t do anything. However, if you feel you have any power to retaliate, the expression comes out in a burst of anger. Most of us cannot control it. We are always asked to control it. But then it becomes a misery.

How much anger is healthy?

How and to what extent can we prevent it?

Is there a way to avoid it?

Why do you think you can control it?

Well, it’s not easy at all. But there is a way you can minimize the damage caused by it.

Damage? To whom?

Yes, the damage occurs to yourself only. The fight goes on in your mind only. Others are not aware of it. You make others aware of it by saying something back which hurts them. This results in fights. Fights, in which everybody loses—especially the angrier ones. Uncontrolled emotions can destroy the world. Especially your world. Think about it.

The first way to improve and gain control is by understanding what made you angry. It is primarily a situation where you have lost control over your self-esteem or emotion. Think about it.

Why does it happen?

Who said those words?

Sit back and don’t move. Let it pass., let the storm pass, and keep observing your thoughts and emotions without reacting.

What will happen if you don’t do it?

Well, either you will respond in a way that will harm you or others. It will permanently scar your condition, self-worth, or reputation. So, observe your thoughts and emotions until you understand you have been hurt. Detach yourself from those feelings. Realize that you can survive without that image you created earlier for yourself and have been torn by somebody to hurt you.

It is hard work. It isn’t easy, and most people fall prey to it.

To preserve your integrity and your peace of mind. You will not let it leave a permanent mark. You will not let it define you. But you, my friend, will find your way to deal with it.

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