What
is loneliness?
Is it merely the
absence of people around you?
Or is it feeling
lonely even when surrounded by your loved ones?
Have you
experienced it?
Do you know that
this can happen?
I’m sure some of
you might have experienced it. I have been in it for quite a long time.
I have a loving
family and a friend who loves me more than a brother.
I completed my
studies in 2021. In 2016 I completed my under graduation and started preparing
to become a specialist doctor. There were some issues at home, so I had to
leave home to achieve peace of mind to study. This was the first time when I
was living away from home. My younger sister came along with me to look for her
career. Also, In 2016, I broke up with my longtime girlfriend, But I somehow
buried the pain to prepare for my exams.
2017 was the
most challenging year so far.
I was selected
for the residency program in 2018 and started working. The first year of
residency was tough. I lost the love from my family that I usually get ever
since childhood. In India, you don’t get time to think about even basic
necessities like food and clothing in junior residency, especially in the first
year due to a busy work schedule. In my senior year of residency, I started
getting free early. That was the first time I had time to think about myself
and what had happened to me in the last 2 to 3 years.
I started
thinking about the loss of my Ex girlfriend and the emotional distance from my
family, which I had lost in the past couple of years. I lived with my friend
and sister. Both of them were available for me whenever I needed them.
Initially, in my senior years, I was feeling relieved from the burden of work,
but slowly, I started to feel an emptiness. I started to stay entirely away
from conversations with my sister and friend. There was something that I
couldn’t tell them. I was missing her but was not able to voice it out. I felt
a void in my heart that was not filling up with anything. I used to cry when
nobody was around. Initially, I was unable to make out what was happening to
me. I just felt alone no matter what. My sister and friend tried to talk, but I
didn’t respond. Soon I started avoiding any conversations with anybody as it
grew on me.
I started losing
interest in everything. Be it work, a company of friends, or anything you can
name. It felt like I had dug up a well for myself and closed it from every
corner. I was not letting anyone in. Then it became worse. Suicidal thoughts
started coming into my mind. Life started feeling meaningless. I was listening
to many speakers at that time. I was also trying to escape it in my way. I had
access to therapy, but I was afraid of saying anything to anyone, So I did it
alone. I started finding answers on loneliness and came across many concepts.
The most beautiful answers to my problems were said by Jiddu Krishnamurti. He
had talked about almost every aspect of life. I came across two of his books
related to love and loneliness. It was those books that helped me crawl out of
my loneliness slowly.
The answers that
helped me understand my condition were simple but hard to digest and follow.
While reading those books, I realized how I was growing up with the wall around
me and how I was making it difficult for my loved ones to reach me. I slowly
stopped staying away from my friend and sister. I learned to love others even
when empty and started feeling better about myself again. It was not easy, but
I wish a small help to understand my situation could have helped me overcome it
earlier at that time. I hope somebody who reads this gets help from my little
story on loneliness.
Start accepting
your feelings, even if they are unbearable. The feeling will remain there even
if you ignore them or get scared of them.
Try to see where
they are coming from… try to find the reason.
Try to
understand and realize that you are increasing the distance from those who love
you.
Love back people
who love you as they are irreplaceable, and your only hope to survive this
situation.
Life is about
forgiving others for things people do unintentionally. Try finding out if you
are not forgiving your loved ones for small things, as every person makes mistakes.
If you start finding fault in small things, you will end up disliking people
and loneliness.
Even the best
ones will unintentionally break your heart and hurt you with silly mistakes.
Only love and
forgiveness will help in such a situation. Try to see how they forgive the
tremendous mistakes you make.
I am sure you
can come out of your Void this way. And yes, don’t hesitate to take therapy if
you find it challenging to handle on your own
It is
beautiful to be alone. To be alone does not mean to be lonely. It means the
mind is not influenced and contaminated by society - Jiddu Krishnamurti.
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